Review: Bird Box

This review is going to be a little different. As of this moment I am watching Bird Box, and going to write up my thoughts as the film goes – that means you will definitely see spoilers. I will censor only inappropriate words, and after such I will do a proper review to summarise my thoughts.

Alas, here is uncensored me:

First thing I noticed is the way she calls the kids Boy and Girl.

I love Sandra Bullock – can you imagine memorising all that, how many mistakes it must’ve taken for her to figure all that out so she could make her way around?

When you expect to see Machine Gun Kelly but you dont realise how much worse he looks in acting. Guy can’t act for ****.

I love this black man – it’s the endgame man.

MGK is a dead*** tall white stick, what the hell? Hes not even attractive, how do people like him? Sure hes got a good jawline but that’s it.

God, I love Sandra Bullock.

Good cinematic transitions between time layers, very good.

All rivers go towards a waterfall right?

Is MGK’s role literally just to rain on everyones parade and complain for days because honestly get out.

Asian dude’s gonna die just because he’s gay and has the balls to take the risk and is super nice, always happens.

Ok, so what the **** is it? Wind?

Ick. Kids will be kids but HE’S NOT EVEN HOT.

Hey it’s Scully from Monstors Inc. They got some good actors in here.

This black man hella smart, they’re gonna need gas though.

Lmao, just rollin over bodies.

This dude would be a good dad.

They made it. Charlie needs to chill tf out tho.

Yo, blind people would be living like crazy like damn what happened right?

“Heres an argument, we’re not assholes.” Fuck i love Sandra Bullock.

Oh **** as soon as i love charlie hes gone.

Wow, directors did a good job making MGK play himself as a ******* ******** TO EVERYONE.

This kid. And tHIS kid. Hell no. No. GET BACK IN THE BOATl, HECK? She’s so ******* cute, but now she dies. Aw, baby was just looking out for you Sandra c’mon.

Douglas is seriously an *******.

Oh my lord, that’s her mum. So, Sandra obviously loses her baby then. Aw, these kids! Growing up so fast. Or… is one her baby? Oh my god, they’re both giving birth right now.

“Not happening,” she says – HONEY, IT’S HAPPENING.

Yeah, this guy’s crazy. What if he’s actually one of the crazies?

Oh my god, what if thats her son and that’s why she said no to him being the looker.

YEP, HES CRAZY. He’s gonna kill em. Or try to.

Oh my god. Now everyones gonna die except Sandra and the kids. Even my lovely hot black man. Hnnng thats so sad.

HE MADE IT… for now. Oh my god they lasted five years awww. Aw, now are we gonna see how he dies 😦

Aw, I love these two, so cute. So jealous of Miss Bullock. No, he’s gonna die.

Preach it, baby boi. You tell her off.

People in cars are bad. Now this is where he dies. No, I love YOU so much. Ok, so why cant the insane people not be affected? Is it because it’s a mental thing? I mean it makes sense, suicide is really because of how we think which leads us to ending our lives, and if you’re insane then you’re technically too far gone to think straight.

Aw **** she looks so scared, now I’m tearing up and I can’t. Deadass LOOK AT HER FACE.

Yup ya girls crying, Sandra Bullock you Queen.

I’m shook. Yo, I swear if the compound has been infiltrated I’ll die.

Look now they need ear plugs, it’s A Quiet Place all over again.

Hnng tricky tricky tricky. Ok, now this cute but also cliche. Aw, now they’re a real family.

Now that’s just mean. So there’s heaps of monstors its not just one big thing? Maybe they followed these humans and now just crowd the place.

OH IT’S A SCHOOL FOR (censored for major spoilers)! I WAS ASKING ABOUT THIS EARLIER YES!

How is my mum tearing up she was literally here for the last hour – it’s a two hour movie.

And now, the real review.

I actually really liked this film. I didn’t see any plot holes that this film was supposedly going to have heaps of, it was explanatory in the classic “show, don’t tell”.

A lot of people know I love films like this, especially A Quiet Place. Sure, it brought up a lot of questions but the directors explained things extremely well with how they approached the scenes switching through time periods.

The film was not chronological, it more or less did a full loop which made the ending a lot more exciting, like a puzzle when you’re putting the final pieces together. Everything just clicked, and it made sense. Which is why I’m super confused as to why people think there’s so many plot holes in this?

On another note, it takes a huge leap forward in discussing motherhood in our modern age, family in general if I must. We see the traditional family ideals as well as the non traditional and how it works – women who want to give up their children before they’re born, women who have to raise a child alone, a family with one adopted child and one not. Even then, Sandra Bullock was definitely the perfect choice to have a mother portray the complete opposite expectation for a mother – she’s not excited to have a baby, she doesn’t acknowledge it’s presence because of how it was conceived and she doesn’t even let it get in her way like most people would. Everyone in this film treats her with extra care because of her pregnancy but she doesn’t even pay attention to it because it’s just not her. It honestly made the film better for me because it wasn’t cliche comparative to the other mother we see who is the epitome of the “glowing, happy pregnant woman”.

Sure, there were cliches, especially when it came to ‘minority’ characters but such is life. Either way, each actor within this film did brilliantly with their stereotype and even breaking them at times.

It really was just like A Quiet Place, except instead of staying in one house trying to be quiet, they were trying to regroup with people trying not to see. We don’t see the monsters but we do see what they can do, we have no explanation why they are there or how they got there, nor why they are doing what they do. It’s just in the moment, this is what we’re giving you, look at the possibilities if this were to happen.

Also, for all the young millenials who are saying Sandra Bullock looks like Michael Jackson, think again because this lady is aan absolute Queen. Her acting has always been on point, she has always been a sass talker and always plays strong women. Her character actually struck well with this film, and I wouldn’t have thought she’d work in a horror/thriller.

Speaking of which, I will agree with many that this isn’t horror. A Quiet Place was a little more horrifying than this. This film does have elements of horror, but its not straight horror – you’re not scared, you’re just increasingly wary. Thus, it just means that this is more of a thrill – as you can see from my uncensored commentary, there is just a massive rollercoaster of emotions which every good thriller will have you undergo.

Would I watch this again? Possibly, but not with huge gusto, not straight away. Would I recommend it to others? Sure, but I also understand that this would not be everyone’s cup of tea.

My personal rating? 8/10

Universally for everyone? Maybe a 6 or 7, just because I know we’re all different.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.